Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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