I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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