what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
