I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
He better not be in your backpack
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Randomize
