If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
