Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
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