I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
