i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
