you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
