rhymes with "ouble enetration"
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
