I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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