A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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