i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
