i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
