Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
