also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
