i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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