tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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