it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
