I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize