dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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