You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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