Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
