I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I just want to make out with him forever
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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