man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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