Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize
