somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize