3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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