Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
