Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Randomize
