Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Randomize
