Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
