"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
