I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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