then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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