I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
We smell like vodka and hangover
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