I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
