Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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