I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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