i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
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