My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
