Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
