I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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