and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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