hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Randomize
