this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
