He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
