I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Randomize
