Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
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