He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
