She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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