I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
