i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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