I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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