I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
