Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
