My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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