dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
