You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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