WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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