ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize