remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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